Someone found my blog by searching “the most sinister woman to ever dance on the face of the earth.”

I’m the first result.


Just learned that my gym has this thing called Pizza Mondays. I guess I’m gonna start going to the gym on Mondays. I’ll be leaving with a gym bag full of pizza.

Just browsing Facebook.

The fact that these pictures were taken only 6 months apart baffles me. Two completely different lives with the same ending.

Why am I always the last one to move out? And why do I always move so fast?

I’m living in a corner of this disappearing home, I feel like a ghost. Maybe next time I’ll sip love slow, like wine, instead of taking big reckless shots.

My Nana died at the age of 86.
When I was a kid, I spent many afternoons and evenings at her house.

She smoked cigarettes all day. So many that I would open the sliding glass door and stick my head out.

I asked her why she smoked so much, and she said that cigarettes were her only friends.

In her seventies, she had to stop smoking. She didn’t get cancer. She just couldn’t breath.

When she died, nobody knew for a month. All of those cigarettes didn’t kill her.
It was just the loneliness of life.

One of the best qualities in a person is being able to lose track of time with them.
If we look at the clock and react with “shit” or any other kind of profanity, you’re a keeper.

You’re a keeper.

Carpe Dayyyyum

Big hips
No ass
No hips
Large breasts

Bubble butts
2 backs
Or a dress

Pretty models
Shaved heads
It’s Colgate or Crest

But the girls that like me,
I like them the best

The worst part about all of this is that I didn’t even see it coming. I didn’t know that I had anything to worry about.

Now it’s like she died and I’m being haunted. I don’t want to make art, or write songs,  poems or any of that. I just want to cry.

All the time. I cry when it’s time to sleep. I cry when it’s time to get up. Yes, I’m crying right now.

This is the kind of heartbreak that turns girls into old cat ladies. This is the kind of heartbreak that kills.

I don’t know if this is karma or fate. I just know I’ve got the sad sads.

I respect myself too much to be with someone that treats me like shit.

I respect myself too much to even have the desire. It’s gone.

But damn is it hard to sleep. I close my eyes and they fill up with tears.

Sleeping in jeans. That’s how sad I am today.

But for real,

I think conservatives want to desperately believe that being gay is a choice because they chose to deny their homosexuAL tendencies a long time ago.

Pro tip: If a girl knows you’re gay and talks about The L word, she wants you to know she’s also [at least a little] gay.

This advice can also be reversed. High five.

My alarm doesn’t have a snooze option, so every morning is like